Scrabble Sundays

Every Sunday my mother comes over for the afternoon and we play Scrabble.  She's a shark.  At 86, she can still beat us, no matter how hard we try.  It's usually on one of her last plays that she will pull a 7-letter coupe on a triple and poof, we're dead in the water.  It's a rare occasion when we are victorious.   In the summer months, we play outside on the patio and bbq something and in the winter, it's always, ALWAYS,  roast chicken with gravy, mashed potatoes and veggies.  There have been those Sundays when we have had something else that we've had to go to, but usually, Scrabble Sunday is sacrosanct.

Mom hasn't been feeling well for the longest time.  She has osteoarthritis, osteoporosis (although she denies it) and has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.  Before she started her meds for the Parkinson's, I was worried that we were going to lose her.  She was so weak.  Now that the medication has kicked in, she has that old sparkle back...maybe not as bright as before, but sparkling nonetheless.

I had brunch with a high school friend today and was supposed to lunch with another tomorrow.  Tomorrow's lunch got cancelled because her father has fallen ill.  My lunch date today has a 93 year old mother and my friend is primary caregiver.  Tough, tough times to watch your parents age.

Everyone makes a joke about the Golden Years not being so golden.  Nothing prepares you for watching your mother or father slowly disappear.  It's happening all around me....my cousins, my friends, all facing the same heartbreaking issues.  From dementia and physical limitations, to cancer and more.

We are fortunate to have found an angel among us ... her name is Anna.  She is a from Ukraine and is a geriatric nurse.  Anna is with mom 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the evening, Monday to Friday,  and she is a God-send.  I am extremely fortunate that we can afford to have an "Anna" in our lives...not everyone can.  My cousins and my friends are primary caregivers and I see the toll it takes.  My mother is still able to live in her own home with help from Anna and us.  I  see my mother almost every day and I take her out shopping or to the hairdresser.  With the addition of Anna in our lives, things are a lot easier.

Yesterday, while I was cleaning up after dinner, Myron sat with my mom in our backyard and I could see they were engrossed in conversation.  The actual topic isn't important, but what is, is the fact that we are still able to do that with mom.   We cherish those moments.

My dad will be gone five years in September.  It's been a tough time for mom, but she is a strong lady and  wants to be as independent as possible.  In a weird way, having Anna has made her "feel" more independent...because she's not depending on me as much.

In my conversation with my friend this morning, guilt seems to be the overwhelming emotion when it comes to caring for an elderly parent.  Guilt that you should do more, spend more time with them, not put them in a nursing home.  Every situation is different and each calls for specific decisions.  I suffer from "the guilts" too, but realize that it doesn't give me any solace.  I do what I can, love my mom and move on.  She doesn't want me to feel guilty and if I do and tell her so, she quickly puts a stop to that.  That only make her feel like a burden.

So, whatever your parent's situation, just love them and do your best for them, as they did for you.  I've always said that our daughter doesn't owe us a thing when we get older....it was our decision to have her and from that moment on, we owed HER everything.  By our example, I hope she will want to help see us through our latter years.  And besides, she'll probably choose our nursing home!